Pollo and I woke up this morning, and by 10:30 we were both out of sorts. The three other chicks are gone, and Pollo keeps asking for his "Papi" - we just miss them. Plus, Chicken Little and Chicken Nugget are time fillers to say the least - Mommy, not so much. I stared at him as he was listlessly splashing in the kid pool - we had already eaten, colored extensively, and played in the pool as much as we both wanted- and I had no idea how to fill the rest of the day. I wasn't scared like I was a few days ago, when AMP was pretty sure that a panic attack was in the making. No, this was more the "What if" thought process. What if this mosquito that just bit me has dengue, What if "x" happened to him in the past, What if I can't explain this situation or that one, What if, What if, - I was definitely going to the bad "What if" place in my crazy Chicken head sitting in that tiny kid pool with my son.
As I was carrying him back to our room, I suddenly heard music (that sounds corny, but is true), - it was church music, and my kind of church music on top of that. I stood there, dripping wet and holding Pollo, looking for the source of the extremely loud worship music. A man in the hall, noticed me and said "spanish, spanish, spanish," I shook my head and he said "iglesia". I motion asked if Pollo and I could go in, and got a "Si". Of course I decided the beach ball and Curious George swim trunks were not proper church attire. Quick costume change and we were tucked into the back row (score!) 5 minutes later. Unfortunately, the music finished up right then, and the rest of the service began. Now, I can hum along with anything during the singing, but I suddenly realized I was sitting in a tiny hotel conference room with 40 people, who were having church in Spanish, and I brought my three year old. And then like magic, everyone turned completely around in their seats and stared silently at....me. I don't know if I have yet mentioned, but I don't like to speak in front of more than 2 people at a time. It is my one true phobia (AMP would differ on the exact number of my phobias, but I would insist this is at least the primary one) to have people look at me or be on stage or to speak to people. So then, the guy behind says, "They want you to introduce yourself." What?!?!? I started muddling out something to him, and he said "No, stand, and I will translate." Heaven help.
After that disaster, I was left in peace to piece together what was being said with my improptu translator in the back. The pastor started preaching very dramatically, and I could only pick out a few words here and there. Then my translator started whispering what she was discussing - and to make even more of an "Did you see that crazy American with the baby?" scene- I started crying on the spot.
I have been in church almost every Sunday of my life and I could probably tell you about 10 sermons I have heard over that space in time - I am just not always the best listener or the best at remembering. But a year ago, our pastor preached a sermon that really got AMP and I. We had started Pollo's adoption process, but I was still dealing with some of the "What if's". What if we can't overcome his past, what if his medical issue is too tough, what if it is too hard on our family? Classic Chicken, I was wandering bad down the What if path, when Pastor T preached a sermon on completely trusting God, even with the things you value the most in the world. It was based on a part of the Bible that I knew, but frankly thought was just plain weird, and apparently a lot of other people think so too, because in all my 30 years in the church, I have never heard a sermon on this bible story until he preached it last year. I have kept reminding myself of this sermon, anytime I got chicken throughout the year. And today, I heard the same sermon again, in Spanish. So somewhere out there, God is reminding me to not be scared, and that my little boy is going to be awesome and live an awesome life, and that I will have trust God with the What ifs.